The 4/20 Writers’ Room Challenge – The Jim Jefferies Show


Hi, hi. It’s me, Jim Jefferies
of the Jim Jefferies Show. We’ve gathered some of
the writers together to
get high in honor of 4/20. We’re all high as we speak and
we’re about to try and write a- Not a standup, a
segment for the show. Could be shit. Could be a
disaster. But hopefully,
you’re at home watching this and you’re too high to give
a shit either. Let’s begin. Alright, so- Here we go. Topics. Wires. They’re bad. Why are wires bad? Uh- So is it this for two hours? Alright, Curtis. If you could
come up with better than
wires, I’d like to hear it. ‘Cause at the moment,
wires is in first place. Subhah, what do you
think about this? What about breakfast? About
how you sometimes say how
you can also get breakfast- No, I’m sorry. You can get
breakfast in the afternoon. The pitch is: when it’s
breakfast time, why
are eggs and bacon- How did they get the
monopoly on everything? Look, what I’m saying is, this
is a piece about segregation. Right? No, it is! About they put all the eggs and
the bacon on one thing and all
the others on another thing. And it’d be just nice if we just
ate anything whenever we want. That’s how all the food
would come together. Alright, so that’s it. That’s our Emmy. Well, do we have other jokes? Well, we gotta start with
“hi, I’m Jim Jefferies.
This is Jim Jefferies.” Yeah, do that first. Do we have an analogy here? That would be like- I don’t know. Hi, Im Jim Jefferies. This
is a Jim Jefferies digital. Welcome. Hello. And if
you live in Hawaii, hello. Gold. This is good! Yeah. We can put that on
the top of anything. I record this show in
the morning. They say
breakfast is the most
important meal of the day. But why is breakfast more
important than lunch or dinner? What’s up with that? Fuck you, breakfast. Stay with me, people. Like, say I’m at the airport
and I’ve just come off
an international flight and I’m on dinner
time but I land during
American breakfast time. You don’t know what
timezone I’m in! I want breakfast! Or dinner! Stay with me, people. I wanna eat what I wanna
eat when I wanna eat it. Chicken eggs are morning, quail
eggs are for some fancy dinner. What’s all that about? If you eat cake in the morning,
you’re a piece of shit. But if you eat a muffin
or a donut, you’re good. They’re the same food. Why aren’t you allowed to
eat cake in the morning? Stay with me. Cake is the high heels of food. It should be allowed
all day, but it isn’t. You should be allowed to wear
high heels in the morning. But if you do, people
call you a slut. Stop cake-shaming. I know what you people
are saying out there. You can get breakfast, lunch,
and dinner anytime at a diner, to which I say,
there are exceptions. Diners are the most
inclusive places. They didn’t used to be though. Racism. P.S. before I go. If I wanna eat lasagna in
the morning, I shouldn’t
be shamed for it. This fucking America. ThisisAmerica. Bagels are also breakfast.
Baguettes, they’re dinner
all day, the baguettes. Racism. If we don’t accept,
this is what can happen. OK, I’m Jim Jefferies. I think
we can all do better. Goodnight. P.P.S., Hi, it’s me again. Why are some vegetables not
OK to eat in the morning? Like mushrooms,
peppers, tomatoes. You can put all those
things in an omelette. But I have never seen
a beet in an omelette. You try to put beets
on an omelette one
time, you’re a slut. I’m Jim Jefferies. I think we
can all do better. Goodnight. That doesn’t make sense at all. It’s funny! You know what it’s
meaning to say.

43 thoughts on “The 4/20 Writers’ Room Challenge – The Jim Jefferies Show

  1. Google: Avi yemini vs Jim jefferies , these muppets tried and failed to destroy a brother for money and ratings . Show the Mohammed drawing You dog !!!!!!!🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

  2. The sad thing, is they are laughing their asses off and it isn't remotely funny. He could have been reading the directions to a recipe and they'd all be snots, snorts, and shartles.

  3. Remember that time Jim interviewed avi? I do lol come on Jim man up and do the best thing thing or you will be haunted by wobbly ghosts for years 👻

  4. Jim Jeffries is an evil man.

    I saw a video of Jim Jeffries insulting Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and insulting Islam.

    Nowadays, it's cool not believe in God nor in family values, like Jim Jeffries.

    Jim is foul mouth and has no respect himself or others.

    He is turn into a dirty old grumpy old and have the most miserable life.

    And if he doesn't repent and turn to God then the Hell Fire waits him.

  5. Because you watched this video, and are now comment surfing, you get a gift

    The gift of a funny an really, really embarrassing story about me:

    Now because I am a Traumatic Brain Injury survivor (TBI) sometimes I am not at as quick as others at Understanding certain situations.

    I am really bad at dating an social cues and even worse at understanding texting emoticons.

    I Still have no feckin clue Why food is used in texts??

    But that's not the issue.

    Rather the issue is about my confusion, and the following story, clearly illustrates this.

    I’d been dating my neighbor for sometime.
    It was casual, so when she would text me I’d get excited.

    However one night around six or seven, she sent me a really strange, and confusing text.
    It was very vague and a bit odd.

    The text was simply a bunch of unusual emoticons:
    A clock, a happy face with the tongue sticking out, a cucumber, and a donkey.

    I was really, really, really confused, but I did my best to decipher these emoticons.

    Following what I thought were her instructions I created a perfect date night.
    I got a large old clock an gift wrapped it.
    I guess It was supposed to be a gag gift?

    I then drew a sexy portrait of her with her tongue sticking out, an hung the portrait on the wall.
    Not sure why she wanted that, but she did some weird stuff sometimes.

    Now for dinner I made a spicy cucumber salad with truffles and Campanelle pasta.

    Then for the after dinner entertainment I put her favorite movie Shrek in the laptop dvd player an I rolled a couple joints and loaded a bong.
    Because there is Nothing like medicating and watching Shrek. That shite is hysterical.

    It was around seven o'clock and I waited for her to come over.
    Eight o'clock rolled around an she was absent.
    Ten o'clock, still nothing.
    Eleven o’clock she was still not there.

    So Finally at Twelve o'clock because she was not there, I looked at my phone for any updates or indication of her location.
    However, there were No. New. Texts.
    No clues. No Nothing.

    Now I was getting very frustrated
    So thinking she went home an fell asleep, I decided that’s a good idea so I went to sleep.

    I had been asleep for just a short time when I heard a loud bang, so I jumped out of bed.
    I looked at my phone, it read two am.

    There was an even louder banging.
    It echoed throughout the house then there was another bang, bang, bang on the door.
    Finally, half asleep I threw on a pair of pajama pants and answered the door.
    There she was, wearing a dark brown trench-coat.

    She teasingly opened it to reveal she was wearing a lovely red lace teddy.
    She was so cute.

    She said "are you ready for tonight?"

    I replied “what?”
    To which She laughed then said in a cute annoyed tone.
    "God, Didn't you get my text?"

    I said "yes, and just like you said, I got you a large clock, then I drew you a sexy portrait with your tongue sticking out.

    For dinner, I made a spicy cucumber salad with truffles and Campanelle pasta.
    And lastly I put Shrek in the laptop dvd player rolled a couple joints and loaded the bong”

    No. She said. That’s not what I meant
    I wanted you to, “Watch how happy I get, when you tongue bathe me then fuck my ass off.”

    She laughed and as she walked out the door she screamed "Don't. ever. call. me. again!!"

    Oh well. I guess sometimes I am a bit too literal.

    However, I feel I learned a lot from this experience and if I ever decide to date again, I will be better prepared.

    Lol

    Thank you for reading this really embarrassing story.
    I hope you laughed a little bit and also grew along with me.

    Hahaha

    Hehehe

    Yep. Yep. Yeep.

    Lol

  6. Anyone one noticed how divers Jim's staff is??? Skinny white men, ginger white men, fat white man and long haired white men. Jim's got a white man for everyone on his staff.

  7. At least now we know MOST of the team aren’t regular smokers since very few could hold their shit together

  8. You would think that the writers of "The Jim Jefferies Show" would have added "Jefferies" to their word processor dictionary.

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