-One of my favorite
things, of course, is sketches that are written
that do not make it to the show, -Oh, yeah.
-And some of these ideas maybe have not even been written.
-Yeah, that’s true. -Do you have some favorites?
-Even the ones that have been written haven’t really been
written. They’ve been like really,
half thought out. -What is
the Rosetta Stone sketch? -This was when Donald Trump
hosted. I pitched him an idea that he
weirdly didn’t want to do, where he was the spokesman
for Rosetta Stone Mexican. [ Laughter ] So he would teach you phrases
you could say to someone who was Mexican, like,
“You’re gonna build the wall.” -Oh, I see.
-No — no, usted are. You know, whatever.
-Usted are. -What was heroin A.M.?
-[ Laughs ] -That was non-drowsy heroin. [ Laughter ] It was from the makers
of cocaine P.M. [ Laughter ] And it was a sketch that was not
popular in middle America. -Some sketches are just good
ideas and it’s not even funny. -Yeah, that’s a great product.
-That’s just a good product. -Yeah.
-You want to take heroin, but you also want to get some
stuff done. -What was — was it your idea
the origin of screw the pooch? -Yeah. I wanted to do a sketch
about the first guy to ever say the phrase “screwed the pooch”
because an intern one time messed up a coffee order, and I was like,
“hey, I didn’t order this.” And he goes, “I’m sorry
about that, Che. I really screwed the pooch
on that one.” And I said, “what was that?”
[ Laughter ] And he goes,
“screwed the pooch. It means I made a mistake.”
And I was like “no, man, it means, you had sex
with a dog.” [ Laughter ] “And you should probably stop
saying that in a workplace environment.”
So I wanted to just dig into that guy, because I’m sure
he probably had sex with a dog one time and just kept
pretending that it was a mistake that everybody else
makes. -Yeah, that’s like the coffee
thing. We all make mistakes. -Oh, you messed up the coffee?
Now who has sex with dogs? Still you, Gary! You’re still
the only one that’s done that. -Half Viagra?
-Oh, yeah. That’s a fun one. -Well, we kept seeing
these ads — I don’t know if you’ve seen them —
for single packs of Viagra. Where it’s like a weird husband,
and it’s, like, “we’re going on a trip with my wife”
and he’s like, “oh, we’ll pack one single
pack of Viagra.” He’s like, “I want to have sex, but I don’t want to carry
the whole bottle.” -[ Laughs ] Right.
-You know, so on vacation, you can be like,
“you get one shot.” But we wanted to do ads
for half-packs of Viagra. And if you didn’t want to have
sex, you just wanted to make it look a little bigger.
[ Laughter ] Like if you knew you were
going somewhere, like you had a doctor’s
appointment, you know? -Or like a tailor or something.
You know — You wanna…Got to use like,
a stadium urinal. You want people to be…
[ Laughter ] -Yeah. -You know?
-Yeah. Whatever. I still say we should
have called it Viagra al dente. [ Laughter ] -First black guy to boo
Jackie Robinson? [ Laughter ]
-Right. First of all, it was February, and I wanted
a black history sketch. -Yep.
-And I was like, “who was the first black guy to
boo Jackie Robinson for a baseball play?”
There had to be one. I mean, he — I’m sure
he had an error before. -Uh-huh.
-Yeah. Censor said no. -Really?
-Yeah, my favorite sketches are, like, really racially charged.
-Yeah. -Like Chris Hemsworth hosted,
and I wanted to do a sketch where the Avengers save the day,
but in the process, Thor accidentally kills
an unarmed black teenager. [ Laughter ] -He didn’t think that was
on brand? -Yeah, he said it wouldn’t
help with tickets. [ Laughter ] -I think it would’ve
helped with tickets. -I thought it would help
with tickets, too. -You had a — Was it
a CVS game show sketch? -A game show that was set inside
of a CVS that was called “Who Works Here?” [ Laughter ]
-That’s a good one. -Contestants had to buzz in
and try and decide is that you know, an employee,
or a drifter in a red vest? [ Laughter ] -And then, this one you guys
should’ve done. Cecilia Gimenez was a character
that Kate McKinnon played. -Mm-hmm.
-Yes. -And for the actual news story
when she first played him, there was a painting
of Jesus, right? -Yeah.
-…that someone repainted… -Yeah.
-And then, like, to retouch it, and then it looked like
a howler monkey. -Basically.
-It was, like, the worst repainting job of all time.
-Yeah. And then we did one I think
where she did that Cristiano Ronaldo statue
that was in segment two. -Yeah.
-Or the Lucy one — it was like a Lucille Ball where she looked
like the snake character from “Beetlejuice.”
[ Laughter ] And this, someone talked about
’cause they saw — I don’t know if you guys saw
the animatronic Trump at Disney World or something…
-Frightening. -…where she was the one who
designed that. It basically looked like
a way worse Jon Voight. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. Melty Voight. So what is the pressure like?
Obviously, every week on “SNL,” there is a certain amount
of pressure. You guys have one
of the all-time greats, Will Ferrell, this week.
-Yeah. Some would say, oh, my God,
cruise control, but you have to feel pressure.
-Yeah. You do, you feel a lot of pressure ’cause everyone
already knows he’s good. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah. So if it’s not good,
it’s our fault. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] We’re the ones that’s
the problem, so, yeah, it’s a lot of pressure. Hopefully Will can step up
to it. [ Laughter ] Carry us through
with a cowbell, too. -Well, I especially am grateful
you guys came here tonight because pretty much you’re gonna
leave here and you’re gonna go right upstairs…
-Yeah. -…and write through the night.
I can’t wait for Saturday. It’s always such a pleasure
to see both of you. -Thank you for having us.
-And “Update” has been so fantastic this year.
Keep up the great work. -Ah, thank you, man. -Congratulations
on the Globes, too. You were fantastic
hosting the Globes. -Thank you so much.
Really appreciate it. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Wonderful. -Jost — Jost sent me jokes for
the Globes, which was very nice, and like a day before
the Globes, you had an idea. -Oh, yeah.
-It was unproduceable. -Oh, yeah.
-Yeah, I wanted Andy Samberg to play the creature
from “The Shape of Water.” [ Laughter ]
And that he was in the audience and he was falling in love
with Seth as the show went on. And the second time you saw him,
he was in a bathtub on stage asking Seth to get in
the bathtub. [ Laughter ] -And it was great ’cause it
was written like someone who had never been in show business.
-Yes. That’s how I try to approach
every idea. [ Laughter ]
You had the good sense to do like, good, “smart stuff.”
-No, no, no, I — but I did like the idea of like, just
constantly, like, in the middle of, like,
a speech. Like Oprah giving her speech,
Andy being like, “I need water!”
[ Laughter ] I think that was what
the evening needed. -You definitely should have
booed Oprah. That would’ve been the best.
[ Laughter ] -Like, what?
-Get Seth back out! [ Laughter ] Thank you guys so much
for being here.