Fake News Writer | Episode 4 | YouTube Series


(energetic music) – People would assume that this page appeals to angry old white men. They’re totally wrong. This page appeals to
angry, old white women. Grandmas. (Ethan gasping) – So, are you still coming tonight? Should be a lot of girls there, which could be nice. – The party? Yeah, of course. – Great, okay. See you in a few. (door sliding) – A lot has changed since New Jersey. I’m financially independent now. I spend most of my days
appealing to women. I have a feeling this will
all go over very well. (soft background music) (people chatting) Hey, I’m Ethan. Hey, I’m Ethan. (Ethan gasping) Oh, I’m sorry. (curtain closing) Have a nice night. (faint, soft background music) Hey, I’m Ethan. – Hey, I’m Melanie. – What do you do for a living? – I’m an actress. – I’m a screenwriter. Maybe I’ll write something
and you can act in it. – Do you say that to every girl you meet who’s an actress? – No. I write (stutters)– I have a job writing online. – Ah, cool. What kind of job? – I write fake news. (Melanie spitting) (Melanie choking) That wasn’t good. – Right, I mean I can’t
vote but if I could, I wouldn’t have voted for him. – Right.
– I would have voted for someone–
– Obama for a third term? – Hey, how’s it goin’? – Oh, hi Ethan. This is Kath. Kath, Ethan. – We were just talking
about what an evil racist our president is. – He’s a real misogynist too. Bet he doesn’t care at all
about women and minorities. – Exactly. You seem like a pretty cool guy. – Yeah, I just hate how much uh, you know, his followers are so hateful and violent. It just makes me wanna
punch them in the face. – Oh, look who it is. The guy who writes fake– (Ethan screaming) – What? What happened? – I stubbed my toe. – What? How? You were just standing there. – I don’t know. – Wow, can’t even stand still competently. – Thank you, Nick. Hey, let’s just go over here. Let’s leave these two alone for a second. – I am so sorry. He’s, no, he’s fine. He just, he does this. – Hey, don’t tell my roommate
I write fake news, okay? He’ll freak out. It’s not even fake news. It’s just biased news
that purposefully tells only one side of the story. I don’t lie. On purpose. Maybe trash news is a better word. – Why do you do it? – Here’s the thing. They pay me money. – Okay. – Oh, and I’m making
enough to be completely financially independent. Like I go to Whole Foods and I buy the organic,
roasted, salted almonds I don’t even blink. – What is it called? – It’s called… American Conservative. – Okay, so it’s like pro Donald Trump. – Yup. But it’s, the people who
read it are all old people, who are gonna die in like 20 years anyway so you might as well just make ’em happy in those final years. – Did you vote for Trump? – No, I’m liberal. I voted for Hillary. – Okay, so well at least we figured out the price of your soul. – It’s like I do anything that terrible. Just…confirming the
bias of 250,000 people. But no one’s perfect. Are you a vegetarian? – No. – Well, if you would
think about the animals being tortured in those factories, you would realize you are contributing to something pretty terrible, too. – Are you a vegetarian? – No, but what I’m
saying (sighs) the amount of Earth’s resources that you use, the amount of water that you use, it could all be contributing
to a greater cause. I mean the only way to positively contribute to our environment is just to kill yourself. – You just told me to kill myself. – I didn’t mean that. That totally came out wrong. Definitely, do not kill yourself. I don’t want you to. Don’t kill yourself. Yeah, you should stay on this earth. You’re good. (Ethan sighing) – Those two are getting
along like peas in a pod. – Yeah, I wouldn’t count on
anything happening though. She’s asexual. – Oh? Oh, oh. – Yeah. I’m pansexual. I feel like those are
really the only two options. You’re either interested
in sex or you’re not. These gay, straight boxes
people put themselves in? Really just excuses to discriminate
against minority groups and exclude non-binary trans people, like the racists who
have racial preferences. – Really? You think so? – Yes. Sexual preference is
another word for bigotry ad discrimination. It reduces people down to their genitals. It’s objectifying. You agree, right? – Yeah, yeah. I, I’m, I’m really, um, open minded. – Good. I knew you weren’t a bigot. – No, no, no. – [Ethan] So you just told
her that you were asexual? – It was all I could do to
keep her from hitting on me. She kept trying to seduce me to prove that everybody’s pansexual. – Wait, that doesn’t make any sense. – Like, I get it, sexuality’s a spectrum, but she just gets so intense and judgemental about the fact that I only wanna date men. So, I just, I had to lie. – Do you wanna get outta here? There’s taco place I love
right around the corner. – Uh, sure. – Cool. I mean normally I get a burrito but sometimes I also get a quesadilla. – [Melanie] I don’t know. They always fall apart when I eat them so I don’t like hold them. Just get a fork in there, you know? – [Ethan] Oh, in the burrito? – [Melanie] Uh, yeah. – [Ethan] You could get a spoon. – [Melanie] I mean I guess you could… (music fades out)

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